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Welcome
to February, 2008 "News of
Hope"
WELCOME
to February, 2008 -
'NEWS OF HOPE'
We are now into the new
year and busy -- maybe
to the point of
overwhelm, anxiety and
worry. Worry may well be
one of our favorite
national pasttimes!
I know, I stay on school
campuses for hours upon
hours after my school
assemblies and meet with
groups of teens from two
to fifty who desperately
want to get things off
their chest. I get to
talk to some 5,000 teens
each year from grades 6
thru 12 in states all
across the US and from
every economic and
cultural background.
Needless to say, I get a
snapshot of what is
happening in the minds
and hearts of our teens
that I feel
extraordinarily
privileged to experience
and equally responsible
for sharing with other
adults who care about
our national treasure -
our youth.
And across this diverse
collection of
disclosures, I see two
undeniable patterns in
teen thinking: 1. Many,
way too many, are
plagued by deep
sadness/grief/PTSD and
2. They worry.
When I ask teens if they
worry, 99% of teens say
they worry...
So, this month, I wanted
to address the topic of
worry in it's common
practice, and worry that
has turned to anxiety
and on into an anxiety
disorder. What's it all
about and why am I
seeing so much of it?
In this month's issue:
- What is Anxiety
- Anxiety Disorders
- Worry Sucks the Life
out of Teens: Commentary
by Susie Vanderlip
- If We Think We Have a
Disorder
- What Teens Worry About
- Relieving Your Teen's
Worries
WE WELCOME YOUR FEEDBACK
at
www.susievanderlip.blogspot.com
************************************************
Pictured above (L to R)
- January happenings:
Pic 1 & 2: Young
Leading Women (YLW) in
Orange County,
California - enjoyed a
private performance of LEGACY
OF HOPE as they
developed leadership
skills as Influencers
and motivated community
members!
Pic 3: Susie (aka Julio)
presents a training for
volunteers of CASA of OC
- Court Appointed
Special Advocates for
foster youth.
Pic 4: LEGACY OF HOPE
goes to Herlong,
California via the
Sierra Army Depot. An
assembly for middle
school and high school
students was
exceptionally well
received and was
followed by a special
sharing session with
select students to
address significant
family issues.
Great
insights from Past
Newsletters |
|
|
What
is Anxiety...
Anxiety and worry
are two ailments that we
all suffer from time to
time. Just like every
condition, the symptoms
of and degree to which
we experience each differs
from person to person.
Some people cope easily
with their anxieties
while others can become
consumed by worries and
let them ruin their
life.
The Teen Health Centre
writes that "anxiety
is why humans are still
around today. It is an
evolutionary and
biological process that
tells us when we can
stay where we are and
when we need to either
protect ourselves or
move to a safer place -
also known as the fight
or flight response"
(http://www.teenhealthcentre.com/articles/publish).
This "fight or flight
response," as reported
by kidshealth.org, can
cause many physical
sensations such as a
faster heartbeat and
breathing, tense
muscles, sweaty palms, a
queasy stomach, and
trembling hands or legs.
The symptoms are caused
by a rush of adrenaline
and other chemicals that
prepare the body to make
a quick getaway from
danger (www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html).
The physical responses
are instantly triggered
when we sense any sort
of threat to our
physical well-being.
However, although it
takes a few more
seconds, our bodies
don't just physically
react to stresses, the
thinking part of our
brain (the cortex) will
also be triggered to
"process the situation
and evaluate whether the
threat is real, and if
so, how to handle it. If
the cortex sends the
all-clear signal, the
fight-flight response is
deactivated and the
nervous system can
relax" (www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html).
However, in many people,
especially teens, the
Teen Health Center
reports that people can
get stuck in
"sympathetic mode."
Also known as the mode
in which our bodies stay
tense, alert and
physically responsive to
the surrounding stresses
(www.teenhealthcentre.com/aritcles/publish).
The Centre compares this
situation to that of a
CD with a scratch in it.
"As much as the laser
should (and tries) to
move forward to play the
next part of a song, it
is stuck in the groove
of the scratch and
cannot seem to get out.
So too do our brains
become stuck in the
survival mode, and our
Parasympathetic Nervous
System never receives
the okay from our brain
to start doing its work.
KidsHealth.org admits
that it is perfectly
natural for "new,
unfamiliar, or
challenging situations
to prompt feelings of
anxiety or
nervousness" (www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html).
Facing an important
test, a big date, or a
major class presentation
can trigger normal
anxiety. It may seem
weird since these
situations don't
actually threaten a
person's safety, but
in today's world the
thought of being
potentially embarrassed,
making a mistake,
fitting in and/or being
rejected can cause just
as strong of physical
reaction (www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html).
As KidsHealth.org
reports, since
"anxiety makes a
person alert, focused,
and ready to head off
potential problems, a
little anxiety can help
us do our best in
situations that involve
performance. But anxiety
that's too strong can
interfere with doing our
best.
Information from:
www.kidshealth.org
The Teen Health Centre
www.teenhealthcentre.com
|
|
|
___________________________________________________________
| Anxiety
Disorders
 We
are all
individual
people who react
differently to
different
stimuli. With
that said, it is
key to mention
that in some
people, stress
takes very
little toll on
that person's
physical and
mental
condition; while
in others, it
can destroy
lives.
Stressful life
events, such as
starting school,
moving, or the
loss of a
parent, can
trigger the
onset of an
anxiety
disorder, but a
specific
stressor need
not be the
precursor to the
development of a
disorder (www.adaa.org/GettingHelp/FocusOn/Children&Adolescents.asp).
Research has
shown that if
left untreated,
children with
anxiety
disorders are at
higher risk to
perform poorly
in school, to
have less
developed social
skills and to be
more vulnerable
to substance
abuse (www.adaa.org/GettingHelp/FocusOn/Children&Adolescents.asp).
KidsHealth.org
reports that
"Anxiety
disorders are
mental health
conditions that
involve
excessive
amounts of
anxiety, fear,
nervousness,
worry, or dread.
Anxiety that is
too constant or
too intense can
cause a person
to feel
preoccupied,
distracted,
tense, and
always on
alert"
(http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html).
There are a
whole slew of
anxiety
disorders and
they are
among the most
common mental
health
conditions
(http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html).
They affect
people of all
ages -
including
adults,
children, and
people in their
teens.
The following
disorders, as
found through
kidshealth.org
and the Anxiety
Disorders
Association of
America, could
easily be
affecting you or
your child.
.Generalized
anxiety.
This common
disorder tends
to point out
that one worries
excessively
about many
things. Someone
with generalized
anxiety may
worry
excessively
about school,
the health or
safety of family
members, and the
future. They
tend to always
think that the
worse is about
to happen.
(http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html).
There are also
physical
ailments that
come along with
Generalized
Anxiety such as
chest pain,
headache,
tiredness, tight
muscles,
stomachaches, or
vomiting
(http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html).
.Obsessive
compulsive
disorder (OCD).
People with OCD
suffer from
unwanted and
intrusive
thoughts that
they can't seem
to get out of
their heads
(obsessions) and
feel compelled
to repeatedly
perform
ritualistic
behaviors and
routines
(compulsions) to
try and ease
their anxiety.
The obsessions
and compulsions
take up a great
deal of time and
can cause
significant
distress
(http://www.adaa.org/GettingHelp/MFarchives/MonthlyFeatures(august).asp).
.Phobias.
These are
intense fears of
specific
situations or
things that are
not actually
dangerous, such
as heights,
dogs, or flying
in an airplane.
Phobias usually
cause people to
avoid the things
they are afraid
of (http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html).
.Social
phobia (social
anxiety).
This intense
anxiety is
triggered by
social
situations or
speaking in
front of others.
An extreme form
called selective
mutism
causes some kids
and teens to be
too fearful to
talk at all in
certain
situations
(http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html).
.Panic
attacks.
These episodes
of anxiety can
occur for no
apparent reason.
With a panic
attack, a person
has sudden and
intense physical
symptoms that
can include a
pounding heart,
shortness of
breath,
dizziness,
numbness, or
tingling
feelings causes
by overactivity
of the body's
normal fear
response
(http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html).
.Posttraumatic
stress disorder
(PTSD). This
type of anxiety
disorder results
from a traumatic
or terrifying
past experience.
Symptoms include
flashbacks,
nightmares, or
constant fear
after the fact
(http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html).
How Anxiety
Disorders Affect
People
It is often very
difficult for
people with
anxiety
disorders to
feel as though
they fit in with
the general
public. Often
times, this
feeling of
seclusion is
magnified due to
the fact that
people can often
be mistreated
for a physical
illness and the
victim then
continues to
feel as though
something is
wrong with them.
Constant worries
can make a
person feel
overwhelmed by
every little
thing. All this
can affect
someone's
concentration,
confidence,
sleep, appetite,
and outlook
(http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html).
The good news
is, doctors
today understand
anxiety
disorders better
than ever before
and, with
treatment, a
person can feel
better.
Information
gathered from:
The Anxiety
Disorders
Association of
America
http://www.adaa.org/GettingHelp/MFarchives/MonthlyFeatures(august).asp
www.kidshealth.org
For
more info on
Anxiety
Disorders...
|
WORRY
sucks the Life
out of Teens!
- Commentary by
Susie Vanderlip
-
When I ask teens
if they worry,
99% of teens say
they worry.
Do they learn to
worry from their
parents? Many
admit that their
parents worry
"a LOT!",
and that they as
teens have
learned that
"worrying"
is what you do
to manage in
life. Many
parents do worry
a lot. And what
IS worry?
"Worry" can
be fear over
something we
imagine/anticipate/expect
will happen in
the future. What
do we hope to
accomplish by
worrying?
Perhaps it is a
way of trying to
protect
ourselves from
overwhelming
emotional pain
if what we fear
actually
happens. If we
anticipate
something bad
happening and
then worry about
it, maybe it
will somehow
provide some
method of
avoiding the bad
thing happening.
The funny thing
is, worry in and
of itself does
nothing to
control our
future, it just
steals our focus
and our energy
from today. We
impact the
future by making
TODAY as good as
possible -
focusing our
analytical
skills and our
energy and our
efforts to
making today's
activities and
responsibilities
as positive and
successful as we
can. THAT is
what prepares us
to handle
"come what
may" -
because the
future is truly
only in the
hands of forces
beyond our
control - for
me, I like to
call that God.
If teens live in
a family where a
spiritual
approach to life
is not present,
then worry
becomes the
method of fear
management. When
disappointments,
chaos, confusion
or tragedy
strike, it is
difficult to
make any sense
of them without
a belief in a
Higher
Power/God. It is
difficult to
believe there is
any rhyme or
reason or hope
of things
getting better.
So, teens -
parents -
people WORRY.
Many teens worry
because of their
parents and
their parents'
behaviors. I
know because
thousands upon
thousands of
teens share with
me about parents
with drinking
problems and the
resulting chaos,
unpredictability,
verbal/physical/sexual
abuses, and
unrelenting
anger they
witness in their
homes. Parental
alcoholism often
generates fierce
arguments,
incessant
criticisms and
degradation,
severe financial
stress and
divorce within a
family. All this
chaos teaches
the
children/teens
to "worry"
incessantly.
What will they
come home to
after school
today? Will they
be blamed for
everything that
happens in the
household
tonight? Will
Dad beat up Mom
again after
downing his
couple six packs
this evening?
Will Dad run
around the house
with a shotgun
threatening the
whole family
when he's
loaded by
midnight? Worry
is often the
only thing a
teen knows to do
to keep a grip
in an unsafe
insanity they
have to call
home. I worried,
too, when I
lived with an
alcoholic/drug
addicted husband
- at least
until I found
help and hope in
support groups
for the families
of alcoholics.
And then there
are the
high-achievers
and teens from
middle to upper
middle class
families who are
in the highest
level of
competition with
their peers for
grades, AP
classes, and
entrance into
the better
universities.
These teens
worry
extensively,
too, only in
their case,
about meeting
the expectations
of their parents
and the high
expectations
they have of
themselves. They
live in a highly
stressful world
as well where
the "fear of
not being
loved" is
usually
described as a
fear of failure
- of not
making the grade
in the higher
echelons of
life.
Many young
people learn to
worry because of
past pain they
want to avoid in
the future -
usually the pain
of feeling like
a failure and,
beneath that,
the fear of not
being lovable
- and, in its
final form, the
fear of not
receiving love
and acceptance.
It's easy to
see how children
from abusive
homes can feel
unloved and,
though perhaps
less recognized,
how children
from high
achieving
families feel
unloved if they
don't perform
to expectations.
Curing
"worry" is a
matter of
healing for many
teens. Healing
the past traumas
that linger as
vivid DVD movie
images in the
minds of teens
and that do not
degrade or
diminish in
emotional
intensity over
time. Preteens
through teens
regularly
describe to me
in acute detail
the memories of
traumas from
yesterday, or
one, three,
five, even 8
years ago that
happened in
their homes. How
does a child
stop
"worrying"
when they have
post traumatic
stress (PTSD)?
That is what
many will carry
with them for a
lifetime without
help from
therapy, support
groups,
self-help
groups, etc.
Other teens can
be helped if
adults who
understand the
number one fear
of teens - the
fear of one or
both parents not
loving them -
and who give
teens a helping
perspective. The
behaviors of
their parents
are not a
child's fault!
The choices of a
parent are not a
teen's fault.
The drinking,
drug use, and
abuse of a
parent are not
the children's
fault.
And that their
parent may be
sick with
addiction and/or
unknowingly
acting out the
unhealed traumas
of their own
childhood.
Teens from
high-achievement
oriented homes
can be helped by
parents showing
their teens that
they love them
no matter what.
By helping their
teens see that
there is no
outcome that
will keep them
from loving
their children.
I encourage
parents to
reassess their
expectations of
their children
and beware of
placing their
own fear of
failure on the
backs of their
teens. See each
child as an
individual with
special traits,
skills and
lovability,
whether they
fulfill YOUR
dreams for them
or not. Be an
encourager, a
boundary setter,
a storyteller, a
hugger, a
helper, a dream
builder, a coach
- but not a
judge and jury
that labels a
teen "a
loser," "a
slacker," a
"disappointment,"
"an unworthy
B----," or
many of the
other
unspeakable
categorizations
that, sadly, too
many teens have
heard from
parents. And it
is acutely clear
to me that once
said to a child,
children/teens
remember these
labels for LIFE
if amends and
apologies are
not made
immediately by
parents. The
brain of a
developing
child/teen is
like a sponge.
And whatever a
parent fills it
with is
absorbed,
becoming a
prominent part
of the internal
chatter of that
child for life.
"Worry"
sounds so
innocuous but it
is often
symptomatic of
much more
emotional need
in a teen than
most adults may
ever imagine.
So, treat it as
an indicator
that a teen may
need more
compassion,
patience,
kindness and
time with you,
their parent.
Teens are still
quite literal.
They need to
hear the words,
"I love you no
matter what."
They need to
receive hugs for
their effort
regardless of
the result. They
need to receive
encouragement
even as they
fail to score.
They also may
need therapy,
conversations
with a social
worker or school
counselor,
participation in
support groups
for such things
as children of
alcoholics/violence
or anger
management, and
opportunities to
find their
interests,
skills and new
goals.
Lastly,
encourage
spiritual
pursuits.
Encourage a
quiet time, a
quiet mind.
Encourage acts
of kindness and
gratitude lists.
Encourage
journaling and
getting the
emotions out on
paper. And
encourage prayer
- even when
they feel their
God has
forgotten them
or thinks they
aren't as
important or
loved by God.
Hang onto your mustard
seed of faith,
and pass it
along to your
kids.
Bring
Susie to your
schools and
community to
help your teens
become
emotionally
aware and cope
constructively
with their
feelings... |
|
|
|
| If
You Think That You Have an
Anxiety Disorder...
 When
it comes to anxiety disorders
its important not to keep our
symptoms and worries bottled up
inside. That is only going to
make things worse. As with most
conditions, the sooner one seeks
treatment the better.
For normal to mild anxiety
feelings, simply talking to
friends and family and
expressing your worries can be
all the treatment you need.
Getting the problem treated can
help a person feel like himself
or herself again - relaxed and
ready for the good things in
life. As reported by
KidsHealth.org, someone who
might be dealing with an anxiety
disorder should:
.Tell a parent or other
adult about physical sensations,
worries, or fears. Because
anxiety disorders don't go away
unless they are treated, it's
important to tell someone who
can help. If a parent doesn't
seem to understand right away,
talk to a school counselor,
religious leader, or other
trusted adult (http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html).
.Get a checkup.
Sometimes, actual illnesses and
other physical conditions can be
the source of similar symptoms
to those experienced with
anxiety; see a doctor to confirm
what the actual source of your
symptoms is.
.Work with a mental health
professional. Ask a doctor,
nurse, or school counselor for a
referral to someone who treats
anxiety problems. Finding out
what's causing the symptoms can
be a great relief (http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html).
.Get regular exercise, good
nutrition, and sleep. These
provide your body and brain with
the right fuel and time to
recharge (http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html).
Most importantly though, try
to stay patient and positive.
It can take time to feel better,
and courage to face fears. But
letting go of worry allows space
for more happiness and fun.
Information
collected from: |
|
| Share
the LEGACY OF
HOPE with a
teen, parent,
teacher or
counselor...
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"52
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|
 |
| Teen
Worries...
 We
all worry. We
worry about our
kids, about how
we are going to
pay the bills,
about the state
of the economy
and so on. All
though we may
feel at times as
though our
worries are much
worse and more
significant than
our teens, the
truth is that in
the minds of our
teens, their
worries weigh
just as heavily,
if not more so,
on their minds
as ours do on
our minds.
In fact, if as
parents we do
not handle the
symptoms of our
stress and
anxieties well,
our kids are
more bound to
develop some
sort of worse
anxiety disorder
than we have
(http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html).
However,
"although
everyone
experiences
normal anxiety
in certain
situations, most
people - even
those who
experience
traumatic
situations -
don't develop
anxiety
disorders"
(http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html).
But don't
worry, if you do
have or develop
an anxiety
disorder, with
proper treatment
and care
everyone can
find ways to
manage their
anxiety and feel
more relaxed and
at peace.
Everyone has
their stress
points, and
teens are no
exception.
Here's what
FamilyEducation.com
reports on what
makes teens
worry:
.What
people think of
them. Teens
are very
concerned that
they
"select" the
right identity.
They don't want
to be viewed in
a negative light
(as a
"dork," for
example)
(http://life.familyeducation.com/teen/parenting/48429.html).
.Grades.
Believe it or
not, most
teens-even the
cut-up who rides
along with the
C-average-worry
about grades.
Good grades are
a sign of
well-being and
achievement, and
even though
teacher approval
may not be as
cool as peer
approval, it
does count
(http://life.familyeducation.com/teen/parenting/48429.html).
.Lack of
time. Teens,
like you and I,
are strapped for
time. They
represent the
first of the
"over-programmed"
generation.
(That's what you
get for
enrolling your
kid in dance at
age two and
karate at age
four.) If you
didn't teach
your kids time
management when
they were
younger, you
might want to
start now.
.Family
difficulties.
Most teens have
perfected the
art of acting
indifferent to
their families,
but this
nonchalant
veneer belies
how they really
feel. If there's
trouble at home
(whether it's
emotional or
financial) your
teen is keenly
aware of it.
Take the time to
explain and to
reassure as much
as possible.
.The future.
From getting
into college to
finding a job,
teens are well
aware of the
need to make a
place for
themselves in
the world and
the competition
that they'll
meet in trying
to get there.
Information
gathered from:
www.kidshealth.org
www.familyeducation.com
LEGACY
OF HOPE helps
teen identify
their feelings
and reach out
for help... Book
a program at
your middle
school and
create a
life-saving
opportunity
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| How
to Help Your Teen Learn
to Deal with their
Worries
 Anxiety
and worry are nothing to
get overwhelmed by. They
are completely
manageable feelings when
we are able to recognize
their presence and take
time out to do what we
need to do to help our
bodies reduce the
symptoms we experience
from them.
Not only will managing
our own stress and
anxiety in healthy ways
help us be better
parents, but it helps
our children learn to
cope with their own
worries in a healthy,
effective way. When
teens aren't taught
these ways of coping,
they often seek out
harmful, ulterior
methods such as drugs
and alcohol.
Breathing. I
know, it seems too easy;
but, when done correctly
with focus, its one of
the best things we can
do to help calm our
bodies and bring us back
to center. The following
is a quick lesson in
"restorative"
breathing from the Teen
Health Center: "place
your hand on your
abdomen; now take a deep
breath and imagine
filling your stomach
like it is a balloon;
you should be able to
see your hand (which is
still on your abdomen)
rise. If your chest
rises instead, try it
again, keeping your
focus on making your
hand (which is still on
your abdomen) rise as
you fill your stomach
with air" (www.teenhealthcentre.com/articles/publish/printer_24.shtml).
Proper diet and
exercise are key
ingredients to managing
stress and anxiety (as
well as a healthy
lifestyle in general)
that many don't even
think about. You really
should try to stay away
from: caffeine, nicotine
and sugar, as all of
these contain chemicals
and substances that act
as a stimulant on our
bodies - making our
bodies react in a more
aroused (or anxious)
state.
Not only does exercise
help with our physical
health but it is also a
great form of stress
release. It really
doesn't matter what
physical activity you
pick, the more you enjoy
it the better the
benefits are going to be
(www.teenhealthcentre.com/articles/publish/printer_24.shtml).
Rest and Relaxation.
When it comes to crunch
time in school, with
exams and assignments
due in every class, it
can be easy to forget to
take time out for
ourselves. Try to get a
good night's sleep
every night. If you find
that you are tired
during the day, maybe
try going to bed a half
hour earlier. This may
not seem like a lot of
time, but it can make to
difference between
getting through our day
effectively, or just
getting by (www.teenhealthcentre.com/articles/publish/printer_24.shtml).
Time Management.
Poor time management is
a key source of
preventable stress and
worry. Everyone can take
simple steps to improve
their own time
management skills such
as getting a calendar
and using it! And while
scheduling all your
important dates and
appointments, don't
forget to add in some
time for your daily
exercise and "you"
time (www.teenhealthcentre.com/articles/publish/printer_24.shtml).
Social Activities
is another area that is
important to make time
for. One of the biggest
buffers against feeling
stressed out is having a
network of supportive
people around us,
including family and
friends. Make time to
see the people that you
care about and who care
about you. These people
may also be able to
offer you great advice
and help when you are
finding a task
particularly difficult
to carry out (www.teenhealthcentre.com/articles/publish/printer_24.shtml).
Alone Time. Just
as social time is
important, so is time
out just for you. Listen
to your favorite music,
or read a book.
Sometimes, the best
person to be around is
simply ourselves (www.teenhealthcentre.com/articles/publish/printer_24.shtml)!
Stay Positive. Remember,
anxiety is necessary to
life, as anxiety often
motivates us to do
things such as: breath,
eat, drink, sleep,
socialize, go to the
bathroom, study, etc.
Stay positive in your
thoughts, as well as
your actions. (www.teenhealthcentre.com/articles/publish/printer_24.shtml).
Information gathered
from
www.teenhealthcentre.com
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BOOK
A LEGACY OF HOPE PROGRAM FOR
YOUR EVENT, COMMUNITY OR
SCHOOL
If you would like to know
more about how LEGACY OF HOPE
impacts positive change in
teens and adults, please
contact us with the link
below.
Also, please forward this
newsletter to friends,
colleagues, parents, and
others who might find this
information useful. Help us
carry our message of hope and
healing.
CONTACT
SUSIE NOW! |
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From all of us at LEGACY ...
Susie
Vanderlip, CSP, CPAE - Ken
Vanderlip, PhD
Newsletter Assistant
- Lauren Le
Duc
800-707-1977 |
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