Bullying happens in many different forms. It's doing, saying or acting in a way that hurts someone else or makes him or her feel bad on purpose. Some kinds of bullying are:

-Verbal (name-calling)

-Physical (punching, pushing)

-Social (leaving someone out of a game or group on purpose)

-Extortion (stealing someone's money or toys)

-Cyberbullying (using computers, the Internet, mobile phones, etc. to bully others)

Information gathered from www.bullying.org

Parents Can Make or Break a Bully

We all want to believe that our children are the models of perfection, made with sugar and spice and everything nice. However, as all parents do, we find ourselves in situations when it hits us that this is simply not true. Just like everyone else, children have their faults, and often times, those faults are the same as our own.

Dorothea M. Ross, Ph.D, reports in her book, “Childhood Bullying and Teasing: What School Personnel, Other Professionals, and Parents Can Do,” that behavior patterns begin at home. Ross says, “Teaching your child good communication and social skills at home will go a long way toward his/her success in school.”

As I have often shared with parents and teachers at assemblies and in my book “52 Ways to Protect Your Teen,” it is critical to develop a healthy conversation pattern with our children. From the earliest years, we must allow our child to feel comfortable speaking with us about what is taking place in their life and how they feel about it. The easiest way to do this...ask questions...everyday!

In her own book, Ross stresses the idea that parents need to be observant of their children’s behavior, appearance, and mood, both for signs of the child being bullied or engaging in bullying behavior. There are many signs and symptoms to look for but the ones Ross speaks about in regards to recognizing whether or not our child is being bullied are mood changes, loss of appetite, bruises, torn clothing, reluctance to go to school and an overall feeling that our child is sinking further and further into depression. However, signs that our children are engaging in bullying behavior are impulsiveness, a strong desire to be in control, and/or a loss of empathy for others.

How Can We as Parents Prevent Our Child from Being a Bully?

A simple answer to this question is discipline. An idea that Ross discusses in her book is that the way a child is disciplined at home will establish a pattern for his/her interaction with other children in school. Basically, the point Ross is trying to get across, is that if we, as parents, choose to discipline our child with yelling and/or hitting we are also choosing to allow them to think that these mannerisms are how all people treat each other. They will take this “knowledge” and use it to guide their own interactions with their peers at school.

Ross brings home her point by discussing the difference between bullying tactics of girls and boys and again, attributing them to what boys watch men do and girls watch women do. She discusses the idea that boys who observe their fathers handling disputes with a physical response or girls who observe their mothers practicing exclusion or manipulation of friends or family members will likely exhibit the same behavior in school.

Parents Must Monitor Their Own Behavior

Ross tells her readers that “Self examination is a wise course for a parent whose child has been accused of bullying behavior. The parent's first question, before taking any action, should be, ‘What have I done to contribute to this situation.’”

--Information for this passage gathered from: Childhood Bullying and Teasing: What School Personnel, Other Professionals, and Parents Can Do, Dorothea M. Ross, Ph.D.

Learn more about teen issues from Susie's book - 52 Ways

Listen to this public service announcement from
www.bullying.org

Click here to listen...

In the fight to stop bullying, one of the most important concepts we must keep in mind is that people who watch bullying take place, allow bullying to take place. Bystanders are just as guilty as the bully.

Therefore, when it comes to our children, we must teach them not to by bystanders! We, as parents, have the power to teach our children how to stop bullies in their tracks.

The following statistics and thoughts were gathered with help from http://www.bullying.org/external/documents/Bullying_Information.pdf.

Did you know?!

•Bystanders (other kids watching) are present most of the time (85%) when there is a bully episode on the playground or in the classroom

•Most kids feel uncomfortable witnessing bullying, but very few intervene.

•When peers step in; the bullying stops within ten seconds 57% of the time

What should we teach our kids so that they are not “bystanders”

A “bystander” is somebody who watches bullying take place but does not take part in the event. In fact, bystanders are why bullies do what they do. They want attention and by being a bystander, by watching a bully, bully, we are giving bullies what they want. But, what we must teach our children is that they can help stop the bullying.

Here are some important lessons to teach our children:

• Recognize bullying -- It's not just physical. It can be social and verbal as well.

• Walk away -- By standing around and watching you encourage the bully. Walk away and go get help.

• Encourage not only your child to walk away but to get their friends to walk away as well-- Band together and walk away.

• Keep track of places where bullying is taking place -- If you tell an adult in charge, they will monitor these areas more closely.

• Speak up -- Tell the bully that they're wrong and that you won't get involved in any bullying.

• Help the victim -- Put yourself in their shoes. Would you want someone to help you if you were being picked on?

• DON'T JOIN IN. Don't call other kids names or pick on them. Bullies try to get other kids to join in.

• BE A FRIEND to the kid being bullied. Ask them to tell a grown-up. Go with them if they're scared.

• FIND HELP from teachers, parents, friends, or other grown-ups. TELL SOMEONE if you see a kid being bullied. Telling is not tattling! If you're scared of the bully, then don't let them know you told.

• DON'T FIGHT THE BULLY. It's not safe. Go tell a grown-up instead.

Learn more about bullying...

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